'We shall be married within a month!' We parted in anger.It was a May night, and I walked out far into the country.There's no remedy for anger, or, indeed, for anything, so fine as walking.Once Istopped--it was on a common, without a house or light, and the stars shining like jewels.I was hot from walking, I could feel the blood boiling in my veins--I said to myself 'Old, are you?' And I laughed like a fool.It was the thought of losing her--I wished to believe myself angry, but really I was afraid; fear and anger in me are very much the same.A friend of mine, a bit of a poet, sir, once called them 'the two black wings of self.' And so they are, so they are...!
The next morning I went to Dalton again, and somehow I made him yield.I'm not a philosopher, but it has often seemed to me that no benefit can come to us in this life without an equal loss somewhere, but does that stop us? No, sir, not often....
"We were married on the 3oth of June 1876, in the parish church.The only people present were Dalton, Lucy, and Lucy's husband--a big, red-faced fellow, with blue eyes and a golden beard parted in two.
It had been arranged that we should spend the honeymoon down at their inn on the river.My wife, Dalton and I, went to a restaurant for lunch.She was dressed in grey, the colour of a pigeon's feathers."He paused, leaning forward over the crutch handle of his stick;trying to conjure up, no doubt, that long-ago image of his young bride in her dress "the colour of a pigeon's feathers," with her blue eyes and yellow hair, the little frown between her brows, the firmly shut red lips, opening to speak the words, "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.""At that time, sir," he went on suddenly, "I was a bit of a dandy.Iwore, I remember, a blue frock-coat, with white trousers, and a grey top hat.Even now I should always prefer to be well dressed....
"We had an excellent lunch, and drank Veuve Clicquot, a wine that you cannot get in these days! Dalton came with us to the railway station.I can't bear partings; and yet, they must come.
"That evening we walked out in the cool under the aspen-trees.What should I remember in all my life if not that night--the young bullocks snuffling in the gateways--the campion flowers all lighted up along the hedges--the moon with a halo-bats, too, in and out among the stems, and the shadows of the cottages as black and soft as that sea down there.For a long time we stood on the river-bank beneath a lime-tree.The scent of the lime flowers! A man can only endure about half his joy; about half his sorrow.Lucy and her husband," he went on, presently, "his name was Frank Tor--a man like an old Viking, who ate nothing but milk, bread, and fruit--were very good to us! It was like Paradise in that inn--though the commissariat, I am bound to say, was limited.The sweetbriar grew round our bedroom windows; when the breeze blew the leaves across the opening--it was like a bath of perfume.Eilie grew as brown as a gipsy while we were there.I don't think any man could have loved her more than I did.
But there were times when my heart stood still; it didn't seem as if she understood how much I loved her.One day, I remember, she coaxed me to take her camping.We drifted down-stream all the afternoon, and in the evening pulled into the reeds under the willow-boughs and lit a fire for her to cook by--though, as a matter of fact, our provisions were cooked already--but you know how it is; all the romance was in having a real fire.'We won't pretend,' she kept saying.While we were eating our supper a hare came to our clearing--a big fellow--how surprised he looked! 'The tall hare,' Eilie called him.After that we sat by the ashes and watched the shadows, till at last she roamed away from me.The time went very slowly; Igot up to look for her.It was past sundown.I called and called.
It was a long time before I found her--and she was like a wild thing, hot and flushed, her pretty frock torn, her hands and face scratched, her hair down, like some beautiful creature of the woods.If one loves, a little thing will scare one.I didn't think she had noticed my fright; but when we got back to the boat she threw her arms round my neck, and said, 'I won't ever leave you again!'
"Once in the night I woke--a water-hen was crying, and in the moonlight a kingfisher flew across.The wonder on the river--the wonder of the moon and trees, the soft bright mist, the stillness! It was like another world, peaceful, enchanted, far holier than ours.
It seemed like a vision of the thoughts that come to one--how seldom!
and go if one tries to grasp them.Magic--poetry-sacred!" He was silent a minute, then went on in a wistful voice: "I looked at her, sleeping like a child, with her hair loose, and her lips apart, and Ithought: 'God do so to me, if ever I bring her pain!' How was I to understand her? the mystery and innocence of her soul! The river has had all my light and all my darkness, the happiest days, and the hours when I've despaired; and I like to think of it, for, you know, in time bitter memories fade, only the good remain....Yet the good have their own pain, a different kind of aching, for we shall never get them back.Sir," he said, turning to me with a faint smile, "it's no use crying over spilt milk....In the neighbourhood of Lucy's inn, the Rose and Maybush--Can you imagine a prettier name? Ihave been all over the world, and nowhere found names so pretty as in the English country.There, too, every blade of grass; and flower, has a kind of pride about it; knows it will be cared for; and all the roads, trees, and cottages, seem to be certain that they will live for ever....But I was going to tell you: Half a mile from the inn was a quiet old house which we used to call the 'Convent'--though Ibelieve it was a farm.We spent many afternoons there, trespassing in the orchard--Eilie was fond of trespassing; if there were a long way round across somebody else's property, she would always take it.
We spent our last afternoon in that orchard, lying in the long grass.
