Recently met a business man in Texas who was burned up with indignation.I was warned that he would tell me about it within fifteen minutes after I met him.He did.The incident he was angry about had occurred eleven months previously，but he was still burned up about it.He couldn’t speak of anything else.He had given his thirty-four employees ten thousand dollars in Christmas bonusesapproximately three hundred dollars each—and no one had thanked him.“I am sorry，”he complained bitterly，“that I ever gave them a penny！”
“An angry man，”said Confucius，“is always full of poison.”This man was so full of poison that I honestly pitied him.He was about sixty years old.Now，life-insurance companies figure that，on the average，we will live slightly more than two-thirds of the difference between our present age and eighty.So this man—if he was lucky—probably had about fourteen or fifteen years to live.Yet he had already wasted almost one of his few remaining years by his bitterness and resentment over an event that was past and gone.I pitied him.
Instead of wallowing in resentment and self-pity，he might have asked himself why he didn’t get any appreciation.Maybe he had underpaid and overworked his employees.Maybe they considered a Christmas bonus not a gift，but something they had earned.Maybe he was so critical and unapproachable that no one dared or cared to thank him.Maybe they felt he gave the bonus because most of the profits were going for taxes，anyway.
On the other hand，maybe the employees were selfish，mean，and ill-mannered.Maybe this.Maybe that.I don’t know any more about it than you do.But I do know what Dr.Samuel Johnson said：“Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation.You do not find it among gross people.”
Here is the point I am trying to make：this man made the human and distressing mistake of expecting gratitude.He just didn’t know human nature.
If you saved a man’s life，would you expect him to be grateful？You might—but Samuel Leibowitz，who was a famous criminal lawyer before he became a judge，saved seventy-eight men from going to the electric chair！How many of these men，do you suppose，stopped to thank Samuel Leibowitz，or ever took the trouble to send him a Christmas card？How many？Guess....That’s right—none.
Christ healed ten lepers in one afternoon—but how many of those lepers even stopped to thank Him？Only one.Look it up in Saint Luke.When Christ turned around to His disciples and asked：“Where are the other nine？”They had all run away.Disappeared without thanks！Let me ask you a question：Why should you and I—or this business man in Texas—expect more thanks for our small favours than was given Jesus Christ？
And when it comes to money matters！Well，that is even more hopeless.Charles Schwab told me that he had once saved a bank cashier who had speculated in the stock market with funds belonging to the bank.Schwab put up the money to save this man from going to the penitentiary.Was the cashier grateful？Oh，yes，for a little while.Then he turned against Schwab and reviled him and denounced him—the very man who had kept him out of jail！
If you gave one of your relatives a million dollars，would you expect him to be grateful？Andrew Carnegie did just that.Butif Andrew Carnegie had come back from the grave a little while later，he would have been shocked to find this relative cursing him！Why？Because Old Andy had left 365million dollars to public charities—and had “cut him off with one measly million，”as he put it.
That’s how it goes.Human nature has always been human nature—and it probably won’t change in your lifetime.So why not accept it？Why not be as realistic about it as was old Marcus Aurelius，one of the wisest men who ever ruled the Roman Empire.He wrote in his diary one day：“I am going to meet people today who talk too much—people who are selfish，egotistical，ungrateful.But I won’t be surprised or disturbed，for I couldn’t imagine a world without such people.”That makes sense，doesn’t it？If you and I go around grumbling about ingratitude，who is to blame？Is it human nature—or is it our ignorance of human nature？
Let’s not expect gratitude.Then，if we get some occasionally，it will come as a delightful surprise.If we don’t get it，we won’t be disturbed.
Here is the first point I am trying to make in this chapter：It is natural for people to forget to be grateful；so，if we go around expecting gratitude，we are headed straight for a lot of heartaches.
I know a woman in New York who is always complaining because she is lonely.Not one of her relatives wants to go near her—and no wonder.If you visit her，she will tell you for hours what she did for her nieces when they were children：she nursed them through the measles and the mumps and the whooping-cough；she boarded them for years；she helped to send one of them through business school，and she made a home for the other until she got married.
Do the nieces come to see her？Oh，yes，now and then，out of a spirit of duty.But they dread these visits.They know they willhave to sit and listen for hours to half-veiled reproaches.They will be treated to an endless litany of bitter complaints and self-pitying sighs.And when this woman can no longer bludgeon，browbeat，or bully her nieces into coming to see her，she has one of her “spells”.She develops a heart attack.
Is the heart attack real？Oh，yes.The doctors say she has “a nervous heart”，suffers from palpitations.But the doctors also say they can do nothing for her—her trouble is emotional.
What this woman really wants is love and attention.But she calls it “gratitude”.And she will never get gratitude or love，because she demands it.She thinks it’s her due.
There are thousands of women like her，women who are ill from “ingratitude”，loneliness，and neglect.They long to be loved；but the only way in this world that they can ever hope to be loved is to stop asking for it and to start pouring out love without hope of return.
