“Well.”The inspector straightened up in his chair，leaned back，and talked for a long time about his work，telling me of the clever frauds he had uncovered.His tone gradually became friendly，and presently he was telling me about his children.As he left，he advised me that he would consider my problem further and give me his decision in a few days.
“He called at my office three days later and informed me that he had decided to leave the tax return exactly as it was filed.”
This tax inspector was demonstrating one of the most common of human frailties.He wanted a feeling of importance；and as long as Mr.Parsons argued with him，he got his feeling of importance by loudly asserting his authority.But as soon as his importance was admitted and the argument stopped and he was permitted to expand his ego，he became a sympathetic and kindly human being.
Buddha said：“Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love，”and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact，diplomacy，conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
Lincoln once reprimanded a young army officer for indulgingin a violent controversy with an associate.“No man who isresolved to make the most of himself，”said Lincoln，“can spare time for personal contention.Still less can he afford to take the consequences，including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of self-control.Yield larger things to which you show no more than equal rights；and yield lesser ones though clearly your own.Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right.Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.”
PRINCIPLE 1：
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Chapter 11
A Sure Way of Making Enemies and How to Avoid it
When Theodore Roosevelt was in the White House，he confessed that if he could be right 75percent of the time，he would reach the highest measure of his expectation.
I f t h a t w a s t h e h i g h e s t r a t i n g t h a t o n e o f t h e m o s t distinguished men of the twentieth century could hope to obtain，what about you and me？
If you can be sure of being right only 55percent of the time，you can go down to Wall Street and make a million dollars a day.If you can’t be sure of being right even 55percent of the time，why should you tell other people they are wrong？
You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words—and if you tell them they are wrong，do you make them want to agree with you？Never！For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence，judgment，pride and self-respect.That will make them want to strike back.But it will never make them want to change their minds.You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato or an Immanuel Kant，but you will not alter their opinions，for you have hurt their feelings.
Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so to you.”That’s bad.That’s tantamount to saying：“I’m smarter than you are，I’m going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind.”
That is a challenge.It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start.
It is difficult，under even the most benign conditions，to change people’s minds.So why make it harder？Why handicap yourself？
If you are going to prove anything，don’t let anybody know it.Do it so subtly，so adroitly，that no one will feel that you are doing it.This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope：
Men must be taught as if you taught them not And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
Over three hundred years ago Galileo said：
You cannot teach a man anything；you can onlyhelp him to find it within himself.
As Lord Chesterfield said to his son：
Be wiser than other people if you can；but do not tell them so.
Socrates said repeatedly to his followers in Athens：
One thing only I know，and that is that I know nothing.
Well，I can’t hope to be any smarter than Socrates，so I havequit telling people they are wrong.And I find that it pays.
If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong—yes，even that you know is wrong—isn’t it better to begin by saying：“Well，now，look，I thought otherwise，but I may be wrong.I frequently am.And if I am wrong，I want to be put right.Let’s examine the facts.”
There’s magic，positive magic，in such phrases as：“I may be wrong.I frequently am.Let’s examine the facts.”
Nobody in the heavens above or on earth beneath or in thewaters under the earth will ever object to your saying：“I may be wrong.Let’s examine the facts.”
One of our class members who used this approach in dealing with customers was Harold Reinke，a Dodge dealer in Billings，Montana.He reported that because of the pressures of the automobile business，he was often hard-boiled and callous when dealing with customers’complaints.This caused flared tempers，loss of business and general unpleasantness.
He told his class：
“Recognizing that this was getting me nowhere fast，I tried a new tack.I would say something like this：‘Our dealership has made so many mistakes that I am frequently ashamed.We may have erred in your case.Tell me about it.’
“This approach becomes quite disarming，and by the time the customer releases his feelings，he is usually much more reasonable when it comes to settling the matter.In fact，several customers have thanked me for having such an understanding attitude.And two of them have even brought in friends to buy new cars.In this highly competitive market，we need more of this type of customer，and I believe that showing respect for all customers’opinions and treating them diplomatically and courteously will help beat the competition.”
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are.It will make him want to admit that he，too，may be wrong.
Carl Rogers，the eminent psychologist，wrote in his book On Becoming a Person：
