Herman, nothing loath, accepted the encore and repeated the Miltonic episode, expanding it somewhat, and dwelling with a fine art upon those portions of the narrative which he perceived to be most exciting to his audience. Plainly, they thrilled less to Paradise gained than to its losing, and the dreadful climax of the descent into the Pit was the greatest treat of all.
The effect was immense and instant. Penrod sprang to his feet.
"Georgie Bassett couldn't do that to save his life," he declared. "_I_'m goin' to be a preacher! I'D be all right for one, wouldn't I, Herman?"
"So am I!" Sam Williams echoed loudly. "I guess I can do it if YOU can. I'd be better'n Penrod, wouldn't I, Herman?"
"I am, too!" Maurice shouted. "I got a stronger voice than anybody here, and I'd like to know what----"
The three clamoured together indistinguishably, each asserting his qualifications for the ministry according to Herman's theory, which had been accepted by these sudden converts without question.
"Listen to ME!" Maurice bellowed, proving his claim to at least the voice by drowning the others. "Maybe I can't climb a pole so good, but who can holler louder'n this? Listen to ME-E-E!"
"Shut up!" cried Penrod, irritated. "Go to heaven; go to hell!"
"Oo-o-oh!" exclaimed Georgie Bassett, profoundly shocked.
Sam and Maurice, awed by Penrod's daring, ceased from turmoil, staring wide-eyed.
"You cursed and swore!" said Georgie.
"I did not!" cried Penrod, hotly. "That isn't swearing."
"You said, `Go to a big H'!" said Georgie.
"I did not! I said, `Go to heaven,' before I said a big H.
That isn't swearing, is it, Herman? It's almost what the preacher said, ain't it, Herman? It ain't swearing now, any more--not if you put `go to heaven' with it, is it, Herman? You can say it all you want to, long as you say `go to heaven' first, CAN'T you, Herman? Anybody can say it if the preacher says it, can't they, Herman? I guess I know when I ain't swearing, don't I, Herman?"
Judge Herman ruled for the defendant, and Penrod was considered to have carried his point. With fine consistency, the conclave established that it was proper for the general public to "say it," provided "go to heaven" should in all cases precede it. This prefix was pronounced a perfect disinfectant, removing all odour of impiety or insult; and, with the exception of Georgie Bassett (who maintained that the minister's words were "going" and "gone," not "go"), all the boys proceeded to exercise their new privilege so lavishly that they tired of it.
But there was no diminution of evangelical ardour; again were heard the clamours of dispute as to which was the best qualified for the ministry, each of the claimants appealing passionately to Herman, who, pleased but confused, appeared to be incapable of arriving at a decision.
During a pause, Georgie Bassett asserted his prior rights.
"Who said it first, I'd like to know?" he demanded. "I was going to be a minister from long back of to-day, I guess. And I guess I said I was going to be a minister right to-day before any of you said anything at all. DIDN'T I, Herman? YOU heard me, didn't you, Herman? That's the very thing started you talking about it, wasn't it, Herman?"
"You' right," said Herman. "You the firs' one to say it."
Penrod, Sam, and Maurice immediately lost faith in Herman.
"What if you did say it first?" Penrod shouted. "You couldn't BE a minister if you were a hunderd years old!"
"I bet his mother wouldn't let him be one," said Sam. "She never lets him do anything."
"She would, too," retorted Georgie. "Ever since I was little, she----"
"He's too sissy to be a preacher!" cried Maurice. "Listen at his squeaky voice!"
"I'm going to be a better minister," shouted Georgie, "than all three of you put together. I could do it with my left hand!"
The three laughed bitingly in chorus. They jeered, derided, scoffed, and raised an uproar which would have had its effect upon much stronger nerves than Georgie's. For a time he contained his rising choler and chanted monotonously, over and over: "I COULD! I COULD, TOO! I COULD! I COULD, TOO!"
But their tumult wore upon him, and he decided to avail himself of the recent decision whereby a big H was rendered innocuous and unprofane. Having used the expression once, he found it comforting, and substituted it for: "I could! I could, too!"
But it relieved him only temporarily. His tormentors were unaffected by it and increased their howlings, until at last Georgie lost his head altogether. Badgered beyond bearing, his eyes shining with a wild light, he broke through the besieging trio, hurling little Maurice from his path with a frantic hand.
"I'll show you!" he cried, in this sudden frenzy. "You give me a chance, and I'll prove it right NOW!"
"That's talkin' business!" shouted Penrod. "Everybody keep still a minute. Everybody!"
He took command of the situation at once, displaying a fine capacity for organization and system. It needed only a few minutes to set order in the place of confusion and to determine, with the full concurrence of all parties, the conditions under which Georgie Bassett was to defend his claim by undergoing what may be perhaps intelligibly defined as the Herman test. Georgie declared he could do it easily. He was in a state of great excitement and in no condition to think calmly or, probably, he would not have made the attempt at all. Certainly he was overconfident.
