Naturally as this was said, it was not said so naturally but that a kindred spirit like old Arthur Gride might have discerned a design upon the part of Ralph to lead him on to much more explicit statements and explanations than he would have volunteered, or that Ralph could in all likelihood have obtained by any other means. Old Arthur, however, was so intent upon his own designs, that he suffered himself to be overreached, and had no suspicion but that his good friend was in earnest.
`I knew you couldn't forget him, when you came to think for a moment,'
he said.
`You were right,' answered Ralph. `But old Arthur Gride and matrimony is a most anomalous conjunction of words; old Arthur Gride and dark eyes and eyelashes, and lips that to look at is to long to kiss, and clustering hair that he wants to play with, and waists that he wants to span, and little feet that don't tread upon anything -- old Arthur Gride and such things as these is more monstrous still; but old Arthur Gride marrying the daughter of a ruined "dashing man" in the Rules of the Bench, is the most monstrous and incredible of all. Plainly, friend Arthur Gride, if you want any help from me in this business (which of course you do, or you would not be here), speak out, and to the purpose. And, above all, don't talk to me of its turning to my advantage, for I know it must turn to yours also, and to a good round tune too, or you would have no finger in such a pie as this.'
There was enough acerbity and sarca** not only in the matter of Ralph's speech, but in the tone of voice in which he uttered it, and the looks with which he eked it out, to have fired even the ancient usurer's cold blood and flushed even his withered cheek. But he gave vent to no demonstration of anger, contenting himself with exclaiming as before, `What a man it is!' and rolling his head from side to side, as if in unrestrained enjoyment of his ******* and drollery. Clearly observing, however, from the expression in Ralph's features, that he had best come to the point as speedily as might be, he composed himself for more serious business, and entered upon the pith and marrow of his negotiation.
First, he dwelt upon the fact that Madeline Bray was devoted to the support and maintenance, and was a slave to every wish, of her only parent, who had no other friend on earth; to which Ralph rejoined that he had heard something of the kind before, and that if she had known a little more of the world, she wouldn't have been such a fool.
Secondly, he enlarged upon the character of her father, arguing, that even taking it for granted that he loved her in return with the utmost affection of which he was capable, yet he loved himself a great deal better;which Ralph said it was quite unnecessary to say anything more about, as that was very natural, and probable enough.
And, thirdly, old Arthur premised that the girl was a delicate and beautiful creature, and that he had really a hankering to have her for his wife.
To this Ralph deigned no other rejoinder than a harsh smile, and a glance at the shrivelled old creature before him, which were, however, sufficiently expressive.
`Now,' said Gride, `for the little plan I have in my mind to bring this about; because, I haven't offered myself even to the father yet, I should have told you. But that you have gathered already? Ah! oh dear, oh dear, what an edged tool you are!'
`Don't play with me then,' said Ralph impatiently. `You know the proverb.'
`A reply always on the tip of his tongue!' cried old Arthur, raising his hands and eyes in admiration. `He is always prepared! Oh dear, what a blessing to have such a ready wit, and so much ready money to back it!'
Then, suddenly changing his tone, he went on: -- `I have been backwards and forwards to Bray's lodgings several times within the last six months.
It is just half a year since I first saw this delicate morsel, and, oh dear, what a delicate morsel it is! But that is neither here nor there.
I am his detaining creditor for seventeen hundred pounds!'
`You talk as if you were the only detaining creditor,' said Ralph, pulling out his pocket-book. `I am another for nine hundred and seventy-five pounds four and threepence.'
`The only other, Mr Nickleby,' said old Arthur, eagerly. `The only other.
Nobody else went to the expense of lodging a detainer, trusting to our holding him fast enough, I warrant you. We both fell into the same snare -- oh dear, what a pitfall it was; it almost ruined me! And lent him our money upon bills, with only one name besides his own, which to be sure everybody supposed to be a good one, and was as negotiable as money, but which turned out -- you know how. Just as we should have come upon him, he died insolvent. Ah! it went very nigh to ruin me, that loss did!'
`Go on with your scheme,' said Ralph. `It's of no use raising the cry of our trade just now; there's nobody to hear us!'
`It's always as well to talk that way,' returned old Arthur, with a chuckle, `whether there's anybody to hear us or not. Practice makes perfect, you know. Now, if I offer myself to Bray as his son-in-law, upon one ****** condition -- that the moment I am fast married he shall be quietly released, and have an allowance to live just t'other side the water like a gentleman (he can't live long, for I have asked his doctor, and he declares that his complaint is one of the Heart and it is impossible), and if all the advantages of this condition are properly stated and dwelt upon to him, do you think he could resist me? And if he could not resist me , do you think his daughter could resist him? Shouldn't I have her Mrs Arthur Gride -- pretty Mrs Arthur Gride -- a tit-bit -- a dainty chick -- shouldn't I have her Mrs Arthur Gride in a week, a month, a day -- any time I chose to name?'
`Go on,' said Ralph, nodding his head deliberately, and speaking in a tone whose studied coldness presented a strange contrast to the rapturous squeak to which his friend had gradually mounted. `Go on. You didn't come here to ask me that.'
