几年前，在参加了一个交际课程班时，我体验了一段不同寻常的经历。教员要求我们列出过去所有让我们羞愧、内疚、遗憾或未完成的事情。第二周他邀请学员们大声朗读他们的清单。这看起来像一个不宜公开的事情，但众多人中总有一些勇敢的人自愿参加。当人们读他们的清单时，我的那份变得更长了。三周过后，我的清单上有101条。然后教员建议我们找一些途径来弥补，向人道歉或采取行动改正错误。我很想知道这怎么能够提高我们的交际能力，这样做只能众叛亲离。
又过了一周，坐在我旁边的那个人举起手，自告奋勇地讲出了下面这个故事。
“当我写我的清单时，我想起了高中时的一件小事。我在爱荷华州的一个小城中长大，这里有一个我们孩子们都不喜欢的治安官。一天晚上，我和我的两个朋友决定捉弄一下治安官布朗。喝了一点儿啤酒后，我们找了一桶漆，爬到城中心的大水罐上，用明亮的红漆写道：治安官布朗是个s.o.b。第二天，全城的人起来后都看我们醒目的大标语。两小时内，治安官布朗派人把我和我的两个朋友带到了办公室。我的两个朋友承认了错误，而我撒了谎，隐瞒了事实。最终也没有人发现这件事。”
“大约20年过去了，治安官布朗的名字出现在我的清单上。我甚至不知道他是否还活着。上周末，我打电话到家乡爱荷华州查资料。这里竟然还有一个罗杰·布朗。我拨了他的号码，响了几声之后，我听见：‘喂？’我说：‘治安官布朗吗？’停了一下。‘是。’‘嗯，我是吉米·考克斯。我想让你知道我过去做的那件事。’又停了一下。‘我早知道了！’他大声说道。我们开心地笑了，并愉快地聊了一会儿。他最后说：‘吉米，我总是为你感到难过，因为你的朋友把事情从内心说了出来，而我知道你这些年一直在心里承受着这件事。我想谢谢你给我打电话——也是为了你自己的解脱。’”
吉米鼓励我处理好我清单上的101件事。这几乎花了我两年时间，但这件事变成了我从事矛盾调解员这个职业的发展起点和真正的鼓舞。不管矛盾、危机或情形多么困难，我总是记住清除过去的影响，并且开始解决问题，这样做永远都不晚。
Danny's gift
丹尼的礼物
This year a new student named Danny had moved into the class I taught.He was the oldest of five children.Danny's dad was a truck driver and not home much，and his mom worked odd jobs when she could to help make ends meet.In October，I gave Danny a pair of mittens and hat，never thought he would be so proud when he received his hat and mittens-because these are a few of the things he actually owned.He wore them to the playground between classes and carefully put them in his desk when he came in.After school，I found his mittens and hat in his desk.When I questioned him whether he forgot to bring them home，he explained that stuff got easily misplaced at home with so many kids and he didn't want to lose his only hat and mittens.
Danny didn't have a lot to be proud of.He wasn't a very good student，but he tried hard.His best subject was art.I incorporated several artprojects into the reading curriculum that year to boost his self-esteem.
Soon it came time for Christmas.Parents decided to collect twenty-five cents from each child who could afford it and buy a present for me.I wasn't supposed to know，but not much gets by a teacher in her own classroom，especially at lunchtime，the child would get back the changes，took out a quarter then giggle and put it in their inner pocket.Danny was on free lunch forunder privileged children；so I was pretty sure he wouldn't be bring a quarter.But that is the beauty of this kind of present.I would never know who contributed and who did not.The card would be signed by the whole class.
The day of the party was unusually exciting.We watched a Christmas movie in the afternoon.We exchanged gifts，and then the students presented me with my gift.Before that，Danny asked me for a piece of paper and a piece of tape.Although I was a little surprised why he wanted those things during a party，I happily provided the items.I went back to my office after the children left.On my desk，I found a folded piece of red art paper.I opened the hand-made Christmas card up and couldn't hold my tears.
The notes said，"To my favorite teacher.You have always been there for me，and I really appreciate it.I couldn't afford to get you anything so I am giving you everything I have.Merry Christmas.Danny."
Inside the card was taped a dime-everything Danny had.
今年我教的班上来了一个新学生叫丹尼。他是家里五个孩子中最大的，父亲是卡车司机，经常不回家，母亲则靠打零工来贴补家用。十月到了，我送给他一副手套和一顶帽子，没想到他是那么自豪——因为这是他拥有的不多的几样东西之一。每到课间他都带着帽子和手套到操场上去，上课后又小心地把它们放回课桌里。放学后我在丹尼的课桌里发现了他的帽子和手套。当我问他是否忘记带它们时，丹尼回答说：家里孩子多，东西经常会被乱拿，他怕失去自己惟一的手套和帽子。
可以让丹尼感到自豪的事情不多，尽管很努力，但他不是一个拔尖的学生。他惟一的长项是美术。这学期，我在阅读课程里穿插了图画作业，来增长丹尼的自信心。
很快圣诞节到了，家长们决定让可以负担得起的孩子每人出25美分，作为给我买礼物的钱。他们本来要瞒着我的，但是在自己的班级里发生的事又怎么会逃过一个老师的眼睛呢？尤其是午饭时间，当学生们拿到买午餐找回的零钱，他们会神秘地一笑，然后把25美分放进贴身口袋里。由于家境困难，丹尼的午餐是免费的，我当然知道他没有买礼物的25分钱。但孩子们凑钱买礼物的好处是：我不知道到底谁参与了，谁没有，卡片上会写上全班的名字。
开圣诞晚会那天，教室里热闹非凡。下午我们先看了一部关于圣诞节的电影，同学们之间交换礼物，最后全班把我的礼物送给我。在这之前丹尼向我要了一张图画纸和一块透明胶带。尽管很奇怪他为什么要这些东西，我还是愉快地给了他。孩子们回家后我来到办公室，在书桌上发现了一张折起来的图画纸。打开这个用手工制作的贺年卡，我的眼泪禁不住流下来。
卡片上写着：“送给我最喜欢的老师，需要时您总是在我身边，我非常感谢。因为买不起什么礼物，我现在要把我所有的全都送给您。圣诞快乐。丹尼。”
卡片里用胶带粘着一个10美分的硬币——丹尼所有的一切。
