Every time you say yes to a goal or objective, you say not many more. Every prize has its price. The prize is the yes; the price is the no. Igor Gorin, the noted Ukrainian-American baritone, told of his early days studying voice. He loved to smoke a pipe, but one day his professor said, "Igor, you will have to make up your mind whether you are going to be a great singer, or a great pipe-smoker, you cannot be both." So the pipe went.
Delayed gratification
M. Scott Peck, M.D., author of the best-seller The Road Less Traveled, describes this tool of discipline as "a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with."
This might involve routine daily decisions—something as simple as skipping a favorite late-night TV show and getting to bed early, to be wide awake for a meeting the next morning. Or it might involve longer-term resolves. A young widow with three children decided to invest her insurance settlement in a college education for herself. She considered the realities of a tight budget and little free time, but these seemed small sacrifices in return for the doors that a degree would open. Today she is a highly paid financial consultant.
The secret of such commitment is getting past the drudgery and seeing the delight. "The fact is that many worthwhile endeavors aren't fun," says syndicated radio and TV commentator Mort Crim, "True, all work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy. But trying to turn everything we do into play makes for terrible frustrations, because life—even the most rewarding one —includes circumstances that aren't fun at all. I like my job as a journalist. It's personally satisfying, bit it isn't always fun."
Achieving a balance
Never confuse discipline with rigidity. Perfection is not the aim; rather, strive for the peace of mind that comes from being in charge of yourself.
Most of us need interludes in our work to take a walk or eat snack-whatever revives and refreshes. Your breathers don't need to be lengthy to shake out the cobwebs and give some relief. Such rewards act as incentives for finishing a task, as well as helping you to maintain momentum.
True discipline achieves a balance of producing, not driving. Even discipline needs to be disciplined.
Self-development
Disciplined people are happier people because they are fulfilling inner potential. A woman at one of my seminars told me about her six year-old daughter who swam with a team and practiced every morning for an hour, swimming 2000 to 3000 meters, she related a conversation her daughter had with a family friend.
"Do you like swimming?" the friend asked.
"Yes, I love it."
"Is it fun?"
"No!"
That six-year-old had learned what many adults never experience: the joy of discipline and self-development. Unfortunately, the very word discipline puts us off because it sounds restrictive and punitive—like a truant officer stalking us to make sure we toe the line. True discipline isn't on your back needling you with imperatives; it is at your side, nudging you with incentives. When you understand that discipline is self-caring, not self-castigating, you won't cringe at its mention, but will cultivate it.
Charley Boswell, a former University of Alabama football star with hopes of a professional baseball career, lost his eyesight in World War II, but that didn't stop him "to become the National Blind Golf Champion 17 times." He was quoted as saying, "I never count what I've lost. I only count what I have left." That is self-development—that is discipline.
Habit-changing strategies
Many a person's downfall comes in trying to change a bad habit by focusing on an undesirable behavior to replace it.
Countless people tell me they would like to eat better but don't want to "give up" tasty food. Rather than thinking about what they can't have, they should think about what they can eat. Fruit juice with sparkling mineral water is a delicious substitute for high-calorie soft drinks; snacks and cookies prepared with whole grains and fried fruits give candy bars good competition.
It isn't easy to change old habits. An overweight woman came to me during a seminar and said, "I'm so undisciplined. I can't stick to a diet and my house is always a mess. I feel like a slob." I told her she wasn't totally undisciplined. "You made it to this conference. You arrive promptly at each session, and you are neatly dressed." She almost smiled, and then I added, "There's probably a reason why you haven't been able to lose weight or get your home in order."
Later, I found out there was a big reason. She was widowed a year before. Her husband had been an alcoholic who verbally abused her all 24 years of their marriage. It never occurred to her that a poor self-image was keeping her from effecting positive changes. With this realization, she took the next step in bringing more discipline to her life — by going for counseling. Meanwhile, some of her friends offered to come to her house and help her clean up, putting her even more solidly on a habit-changing course.
Mind over matter
I remember my school days and Mom's regular reveille: "Time to get up!" I agonized in bed until the last minute and ran my mother's patience short. Then I went away to college and had to get myself up. Finally, tired of waging war with waking, I decided that when the alarm rang, I would rise — just because I wanted to, regardless of how I felt. It has worked ever since.
In Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy David D. Burns, M.D., writes: "Motivation does not come first, action does! You have to prime the pump. If you wait until you're 'in the mood,' you may wait forever." When you don't feel like doing something, you tend to put it off, but it's often after we get involved in a task that we become highly motivated.
