A TALE OF NONSENSE LANDAll through the Castle of High-bred Ease, Where the chief employment was do-as-you-please, Spread consternation and wild despair.
The queen was wringing her hands and hair;
The maids of honour were sad and solemn;
The pages looked blank as they stood in column;The court-jester blubbered, "Boo-hoo, boo-hoo"The cook in the kitchen dropped tears in the stew And all through the castle went sob and wail, For the princess had broken her finger-nail:
The beautiful Princess Red-as-a-Rose, Bride-elect of the Lord High-Nose, Broken her finger-nail down to the quick -No wonder the queen and her court were sick.
Never sorrow so dread before Had dared to enter that castle door.
Oh! what would my Lord His-High-Nose say When she took off her glove on her wedding-day?
The fairest princess in Nonsense Land, With a broken finger-nail on her hand!
'Twas a terrible, terrible accident, And they called a meeting of parliament;And never before that royal Court Had come such question of grave import As "How could you hurry a nail to grow?"And the skill of the kingdom was called to show.
They sent for Monsieur File-'em-off;
He smoothed down the corners so ragged and rough.
They sent for Madame la Diamond-Dust, Who lived on the fingers of upper-crust;They sent for Professor de Chamois-Skin, Who took her powder and rubbed it in;They sent for the pudgy nurse Fat-on-the-Bone To bathe her finger in eau-de-Cologne;And they called the court surgeon, Monsieur Red-Tape, To hear what he thought of the new nail's shape, Over the kingdom the telegrams flew Which told how the finger-nail thrived and grew;And all through the realm of Nonsense Land They offered up prayers for the princess's hand.
At length the glad tidings were heard with a shout What the princess's finger-nail had grown out:
Pointed and polished and pink and clean, Befitting the hand of a some-day queen.
Salutes were fired all over the land By the home-guard battery pop-gun band;And great was the joy of my Lord High-Nose, Who straightway ordered his wedding clothes, And paid his tailor, Don Wait-for-aye, Who died of amazement the self-same day.
My lord by a jury was judged insane;
For they said--and the truth of the saying was plain -That a lord of such very high pedigree Would never be paying his bills, you see, Unless he was out of his head; and so They locked him up without more ado.
And the beautiful Princess Red-as-a-Rose Pined for her lover, my Lord High-Nose, Till she entered a convent and took the veil -And this is the end of my nonsense tale.
