At the hour when his own physical forces were lowest, his errors of diplomacy forced themselves upon his mind.He wasted much time, as all men do upon their beds, in anticipating to-morrow; in considering what is going to happen, or what is not; in weighing their own future words and deeds given a variety of contingencies.For reason, which at first kept him, despite his disquiet, in the region of the rational, grew weaker with Henry as the night advanced; the shadow of trouble deepened as his weary wits lost their balance to combat it.The premonition was as formless and amorphous as a cloud, and, though he could not see any shape to his fear, or define its limitations, it grew darker ere he slept.He considered what might happen and, putting aside any lesser disaster, tried to imagine what the morning would bring if May actually succumbed.
For the moment the size of such an imaginary disaster served curiously to lessen his uneasiness.Pushed to extremities, the idea became merely absurd.He won a sort of comfort from such an outrageous proposition, because it brought him back to the solid ground of reason and the assurance that some things simply do not happen.From this extravagant summit of horror, his fears gradually receded.Such a waking nightmare even quieted his nerves when it was past; for if a possibility presents a ludicrous side, then its horror must diminish by so much.Moreover, Henry told himself that if the threat of a disaster so absolute could really be felt by him, it was his duty to rise at once, intervene, and, if necessary, summon his uncle and force May to leave the Grey Room immediately.
This idea amused him again and offered another jest.The tragedy really resolved into jests.He found himself smiling at the picture of May being treated like a disobedient schoolboy.But if that happened, and Tom was proclaimed the sinner, what must be Henry's own fate? To win the reputation of an unsportsmanlike sneak in Mary's opinion as well asTom's.He certainly could call upon nobody to help him now.But he might go and look up May himself.That would be very sharply resented, however.He travelled round and round in circles, then asked himself what he would do and say to-morrow if anything happened to Tom - nothing, of course, fatal, but something perhaps so grave that May himself would be unable to explain it.In that case Henry could only state facts exactly as they had occurred.But there would be a deuce of a muddle if he had to make statements and describe the exact sequence of recent incidents.Already he forgot the exact sequence.It seemed ages since he parted from May.He broke off there, rose, drank a glass of water, and lighted a cigarette.He shook himself into wakefulness, condemned himself for this debauch of weak-minded thinking, found the time to be three o'clock, and brushed the whole cobweb tangle from his mind.He knew that sudden warmth after cold will often induce sleep - a fact proved by incidents of his campaigns - so he trudged up and down and opened his window and let the cool breath of the night chill his forehead and breast for five minutes.
This action calmed him, and he headed himself off from returning to the subject.He felt that mental dread and discomfort were only waiting to break out again; but he smothered them, returned to bed, and succeeded in keeping his mind on neutral - tinted matter until he fell asleep.
He woke again before he was called, rose and went to his bath.He took it cold, and it refreshed him and cleared his head, for he had a headache.Everything was changed, and the phantoms of his imagination remained only as memories to be laughed at.He no longer felt alarm or anxiety.He dressed presently, and guessing that Tom, always the first to rise, might already be out of doors, he strolled on to the terrace presently to meet him there.
Already he speculated whether an apology was due from him to May, or whether he might himself expect one.It didn't matter.He knew perfectly well that Tom was all right now, and that was the only thing that signified.
